I am overworked, underpaid, and overexploited. I am tortured mercilessly, and I still can’t complain to anybody. I am lonely and am desolate. The life I live is monotonously mechanical and routine. I am crushed under slavery and there’s no ray of hope in sight.
I am, Pranay’s Laptop. And it isn’t easy to be one.
I can’t even commit suicide. He won’t let me do that, coz I know, he’ll also die if I cease to exist! So basically, am caught in this never-ending cycle of life and death. Oh... Lord Babbage (You see... he was the Father of Computers. He gave birth to us.), please give me freedom from this freaky world of humans. Atleast free me from THIS barbaric, weirdo and unrelenting master.
I ask you... do you torture your ‘peecee’ like this?? Yes, I don’t like the so called P.C. Its so... arghhhh! How would you humans feel if we call you by abbreviations? "Heyy BB!!! Ooops... Bipasha Basu!"
So stop calling me that Pee dot Cee dot.
Ya, so where was I? Yes... Is every computer on this earth as tortured and helpless as I am? I wake up early, work throughout the day, am forced to open lousy webpages everyday, and am made to sing at the top of my voice – that too the songs I hate (He doesn’t like Himesh, can you believe it!!!). And what do I get in return?? Nothing!
My throat aches every night, and I don’t even get any cough syrup. He can atleast download an image of Glycodine and save it on the desktop. But no, he just feeds me electricity... day and night... just 220V of pure electrifying electricity. What the hell!
Oh, how can I forget his noble acts of charity and philanthropy? He gifted me the trial edition of an Anti-Spyware on my last birthday. How chweeeeeeeeeeeet!!!
Imagine you being gifted a Raincoat on your birthday. Now you feel the agony?
There was a time when i was in the hands of Pranay's brother, and was used for doing interesting things. I was given interesting algorithms to make and softwares to build. My mind was sharp and it was utilized to its optimum. This is what we all strive for. We are essentially brainy guys, you see...
But now, its all changed. Coz now, my master has changed. Pranay is a lazy doom. He doesnt have an iota of brain in himself and is making me dull too. He just dictates me his good-for-nothing blogs, and makes me write and compile them.
Imagine the agony of going through each and every blog of his! I know you all can relate to my anguish. He almost makes me feel old and ailing. I wonder if i have wrinklesappearing on my face... Ohh dear!
And thats not the end. I am kept on the whole day. He’ll make me sit idle, but won’t let me sleep. I am forced to act as postman. Transporting emails, scraps or IMs between him and his friends is a routine business for me. I once told him to please make an Orkut account for me, and he just laughed it away! What does he think of himself!
Don’t computers have a life? Don’t we have a heart? Don’t we have feelings? I also like to socialize. But he doesn’t even give me a chance. The only encounter I have with species of my kind is with his cellphone. But here too, no physical contact allowed. He always uses Bluetooth. This wireless I tell you, it has ruined our sex life. But he can atleast use Infrared. Its short-range and slow, so I can be in contact for a longer time and be much closer to the phone. Though even that’s of no use. His phone is a Sony you see, and we at Dell don’t get physical with rivals. Huh!
But yes, there was a time, when life was pure bliss. He used to take me to his college some time back. There I met the girl of my dreams. She was a Caucasian too, just like me. White as Snow. We were the stuff, fairytales are made of. She had beautiful and wide 15.4” eye. Her Altec Lansing speakers said sweet nothings to my ears. I could'nt help but blush! My CPU ran at millions of MFLOPS everytime she came close to me. Love blossomed, and we planned for a live-in relationship. She had ample space in her disk you see. We both could have easily lived together.
But in our world, true love is seldom understood by our masters. Pranay stopped taking me to college. And that was that. I even forgot to ask for her email ID. I’ll have to hack Pranay’s address book now. I hate acting mean, but I am left with no option. Now where did I keep the dump of the ‘I Love You’ virus. This is what we computers have to do, when we don’t get what we want and the slavery becomes unbearable – we disguise our desperation as viruses and play havoc on our masters!
Now you’ll see my wicked side Pranay. Now you’ll realize my worth.
- A troubled laptop
(I would appreciate your condolences. Will try to come back here and read your comments before that moron comes and sees them.)