Sunday, June 29, 2008

It Elevates!

There's a lot that can happen in an elevator. Well.. you can atleast make a lot happen. Because the elevator or 'lift', is inherantly a really interesting place.
It's a vehicle where perfect strangers stand barely milimetres apart, and stare at eachother, or the walls, or into the mirror. It's the panacea for the handicapped, and hell for the claustrophobic. People exhibit rare phenomena inside those closed walls while they are waiting for the lift to thud to a stop at their destination.

Some adventurous kinds find it the perfect place to do what had long been thought of as strictly a bedroom activity. Reaching an orgasm before the lift comes to a halt gives them a high, more ecstatic than the orgasm itself. And then there's the possiblity of the lift getting stuck between two floors. That's utopia for them.
There are other sorts of travellers as well. Like those who love to put their creative side on display by sculpting an artefact on the elevator's mirror with that chewing gum in their mouth. They derive immense self pride in the fact that they have embellished a perfectly spotless mirror with their prized gum creation. Super!
And then there are people who just have to press all the buttons on the panel, even if there's a 'Freefall' button on it.
Also, there are those who crave for an empty lift. God knows what they crave to do for those barely 20 seconds when they are trapped all alone inside a metersquare cubicle. Well there are plenty of things. Some ladies get the invaluable time for touching up their makeup. Some dance, while some practice for Indian Idol Season 1037. You can count me in for the latter case. Yeah baby, those 20 seconds are my 'riyaaz' time!

Ok, enough of categorization. There are many normal folks also, who simply do nothing or stare at their watch, or fiddle with their mobiles. But you know, the lift can be fun. The fact that neither you, nor the people rubbing shoulders with you, have anything to do for a good 20 seconds, is in itself quite curiously potential! If you are even slightly wacky (like me!), those 20 seconds can drive others on-board crazy, while giving you the kick of a lifetime. 

Check out my TOP 10 MUST-DO'S in an Elevator:
(I take no responsibility, whatsoever be the result in case you decide to try out any of these.)

Put your index finger straightaway into your nonstril and rotate vigourously. That may sound YUCK! Well... its not your problem. It actually is. But its more FUN than YUCK. Now when you have got enough material (ewwww!), just find the cleanest wall around, and aim at a spot.. and SPAT! Throw it hard enough that it sticks to the wall! And then.. comes the victorious moment... Look at each disgusted person in the lift and give that triumphant look as if you just won an Olympic Gold! "YEAHHHH"!! And then watch them fall sick!

Just let those tears flow and the shrieks echo in the confines of the lift. Cry out as loudly as possible... moan and groan. But the key here is, dont give others a clue about the reason behind your sudden outburst. Keep them guessing and confused. Cry louder if someone tries to console you, and put all the blame on that fellow!

Here's your chance to voice your opinions about issues plaguing the world and your society. The lift provides you with a stage, and your co-travellers are your (helpless) audience. Blurt out loud, all your knowledge about world peace, global warming, corrupt politicians, and terrorism. Dont forget to use direct speech. Talk in terms of "You", point fingers directly and give your own talismans. Just let the fits of rage show!
HINT: Take cues from Star News, Aaj Tak, India TV and Zee News on how to scare people with the weirdest of news and bone-chilling way of speaking.

4) FART and STARE:
You need some preparation for this. Eat lotsa mooli paranthas or pakoras. Then step into the lift. And fart your way to glory! And then starts the fun. Pick one person (besides yourself!) from the fellas present on-board. Now you just have to give subtle signals. Move away from him/her. Pinch your nose in discontent. And keep staring the person and make all believe that he/she's the culprit. Then watch him get isolated in the middle, while others make their way towards the edges. And when your stop comes and the door opens, just sound a HUGE sigh of relief!

This one is best done in jam packed conditions, when there isnt an inch of moving space in the lift. Bend down, causing lots of inconvenience to all around. Now keep tying and untying your shoelaces. Or still better, tie together laces of different people shoes. And then, simply watch the fun.

Now this needs patience. Stand in one corner, facing the walls, and put a grim look on your face. Dont talk, dont react, and dont bother to get down at any stop. Just stay there like that, sad and depressed, helpless and poor soul, dejected by the world. You are sure to spark off some interesting discussions and oh-mi-gawds!

Early morning, push a table and a chair inside the elevator. Get seated on the chair and put some papers and a pen on the table, and simply wait. Now whenever the door opens, you simple have to say : "Heyllo Senor. You have an appointment?".

Find imaginary flies in the lift, and swat em hard. Hit the imaginary mosquitoes on the walls. And in case you manage to seriously kill a fly, show off its left overs (stuck to your palm) to others, victoriously and with the most evil laugh..."Suckers!". You can also be considerate enough to charge upon any flies (existent or not) sitting on others faces, shoulders, backs and heads.

Usually cellphones come with some really irritating ringtones. I have one which has the weirdest animal sounds in it. Then there are the various type of fart ones, and those loud LOUD futuristic, funky and almost irritating ones. Heres a brilliant way to utilize em all. Play them at maximum volume, and flaunt them as if they are your original compositions. Put the speaker of your phone just next to the ear of a person on-board, and watch him shriek and jolt.

Press a button on the panel, and go 'BOOOOM'! As if it blasted off. Then press another and shake the hell out as if you just got an electric shock. Repeat it several times, and then watch others hesitantly head for the shock-giving buttons!

These are all tried and tested measures to attain lots of publicity and but even more flak, and a few black eyes. But hey, one thing's for sure - The elevator elevates! Not only your body, but your spirits as well!
So comeon... tell me, which one you liked the best, and tell me if there are more you can think of. Am sure you can! And do tell me what happened if you actually did try out any of these!

Friday, June 13, 2008

How I Equalled a Sequel

It's long since i wrote something, right? Well you see, my exams are going on, so I am supposed to study. But it's obviously not that i am supposed to actually do whatever i am supposed to do! Right?
So its not that i have not been writing. I was actually writing on another blog. (I can see ThinkTrash frown!!!)
Well, Sameera organized a competition of sorts on her blog, and invited fellow bloggers (like me) to write a sequel to her story - Dumbstruck. Please read the original by clicking on the link, and then read my sequel.

Here it goes...

...Throwing caution to the winds, he cleared his throat and said, "Excuse me". She did not turn. Was she ignoring him or had she not heard? Maybe it was because of the music. "Excuse me", he said a little more loudly once more. This time, she turned. He was dumbstruck, and almost gasped. Her lips were a rosy pout and her nose like a model's. Her eyes were the most beautiful he had ever seen, a combination of amethyst and turquoise. And they were also blind...
//my sequel begins here---------------------------------------

She was looking at him, searching for his eyes, as if trying to make a contact. Noticing the activity in her eyes, he was taken aback for a moment. He felt as if the earth had moved beneath his feet. But so smitten he was- to her beauty, her charm and the earthy sensuality she exuded, that he couldnt help looking at her. To his surprize, he didnt feel even a slight sense of pity for her. He was infact appaled by her sheer courage. He was falling for her - the girl with the most beautiful pair of eyes. He wanted to speak to her. Wanted to know her. But couldnt gather the courage to speak a word.
"Did you say something?", she broke the silence, as if sensing his uneasyness.
"Ahh... well.. yes". She tracked down the source of the voice. "Do you know how far is Brown Street?". He regretted it the moment he mouthed that. He had asked a dumb question to a girl who couldnt see.
She stroked her fingers over her wrist-watch. And it just took her a second to reply - "about eight to ten minutes".
He simply stared, mesmerized. "Thank You", he said somehow in a broken voice.
It was a trying situation for him as the feeling started sinking in, that she is 'blind'. But the feeling of love and passion overpowered every other. He couldnt take his mind off her. Then he turned to his side. Her face gleamed with beauty. So much so, that it made him forget all his doubts, all his reservations.
"Hi, I am Chris. Chris Korth". He attempted to start a conversation.
"Hi. Has'nt the brown street stop arrived yet?". He was glad she was concerned.
"Ahh... actually i lied to you. It's just that i wanted to strike a conversation. Ahh.. You are... beautiful!". He poured his heart out in that one word.
Alarmed, she retorted sternly- "before you say anything else, i'd like you to know that i can't see. I am blind. Now i dont think you'd like to continue your conversation".
Chris's eyes went moist. The struggle and pain, hidden somewhere in that statement, hit him directly. "I... I know that. But I also know that i have never ever seen such lovely eyes. It's the best gift God could have given you".
That came as a shock to the young woman. She had grown up getting nothing but condolenses and sympathies thrown at her. She had strived to tell the world that she can live with this disability, just like anybody else. But the world had always tried to thwart her confidence by reminding her time and again that she can be at best, a lifeless imitation of life itself.
And here was a guy, a complete stranger, who has given her the best compliment of her life. She melted immediately.
"Nobody has ever said something like that to me. Thank You."
Chris was at cloud nine. Her voice had a husky quality to it that almost hytnotized him.

It occured to him - "Whats your name? What do you do?"
"Grace. I work as a fitness instructor."
"No wonder you yourself are so fit Grace!", Chris joked. A smile flashed on her face. And Chris's heart skipped a beat. It was the most genuine, most radiant and the most innocent smile he had ever seen. He thought he'd go mad like this.

"Grace... Would you mind if we have lunch together". Chris asked, hesitantly.
Grace knew this was coming. She wanted to say yes. She wanted to know this man. She had always wanted a man in her life, who would understand her, appreciate her and not take her as a liability. She wanted a man who could look beyond her disability. And he was right there, sitting to her left.
"But I don't even know you. How can i accompany you for lunch?". Grace did'nt want the excitement to show.
"Well what do you wanna know? I am a journalist- a freelancer. I earn a handsome amount. And i can afford lunch at any restaurant you like!"
"Any restaurant?", Grace continued with the good humour. She felt a strange comfort with Chris. She felt secure and complete.
Chris smiled, and nodded.
"So lets go to the Hilton. It's also close to my place! We'll get down at the last stop."

Chris was beaming, and he was all set to embrace the best evening of his life.
And he had obviously forgotten about his appointment with the dentist.

Thanx Sameera!
Here's a link to the other entries she recieved.
She gifted this to all the entrants :
I can proudly say that :

I'd like to know what did you guys think of my sequel... so now click on that Comments link... Fast!