Friday, June 13, 2008

How I Equalled a Sequel

It's long since i wrote something, right? Well you see, my exams are going on, so I am supposed to study. But it's obviously not that i am supposed to actually do whatever i am supposed to do! Right?
So its not that i have not been writing. I was actually writing on another blog. (I can see ThinkTrash frown!!!)
Well, Sameera organized a competition of sorts on her blog, and invited fellow bloggers (like me) to write a sequel to her story - Dumbstruck. Please read the original by clicking on the link, and then read my sequel.

Here it goes...

.........
...Throwing caution to the winds, he cleared his throat and said, "Excuse me". She did not turn. Was she ignoring him or had she not heard? Maybe it was because of the music. "Excuse me", he said a little more loudly once more. This time, she turned. He was dumbstruck, and almost gasped. Her lips were a rosy pout and her nose like a model's. Her eyes were the most beautiful he had ever seen, a combination of amethyst and turquoise. And they were also blind...
//my sequel begins here---------------------------------------


She was looking at him, searching for his eyes, as if trying to make a contact. Noticing the activity in her eyes, he was taken aback for a moment. He felt as if the earth had moved beneath his feet. But so smitten he was- to her beauty, her charm and the earthy sensuality she exuded, that he couldnt help looking at her. To his surprize, he didnt feel even a slight sense of pity for her. He was infact appaled by her sheer courage. He was falling for her - the girl with the most beautiful pair of eyes. He wanted to speak to her. Wanted to know her. But couldnt gather the courage to speak a word.
"Did you say something?", she broke the silence, as if sensing his uneasyness.
"Ahh... well.. yes". She tracked down the source of the voice. "Do you know how far is Brown Street?". He regretted it the moment he mouthed that. He had asked a dumb question to a girl who couldnt see.
She stroked her fingers over her wrist-watch. And it just took her a second to reply - "about eight to ten minutes".
He simply stared, mesmerized. "Thank You", he said somehow in a broken voice.
It was a trying situation for him as the feeling started sinking in, that she is 'blind'. But the feeling of love and passion overpowered every other. He couldnt take his mind off her. Then he turned to his side. Her face gleamed with beauty. So much so, that it made him forget all his doubts, all his reservations.
"Hi, I am Chris. Chris Korth". He attempted to start a conversation.
"Hi. Has'nt the brown street stop arrived yet?". He was glad she was concerned.
"Ahh... actually i lied to you. It's just that i wanted to strike a conversation. Ahh.. You are... beautiful!". He poured his heart out in that one word.
Alarmed, she retorted sternly- "before you say anything else, i'd like you to know that i can't see. I am blind. Now i dont think you'd like to continue your conversation".
Chris's eyes went moist. The struggle and pain, hidden somewhere in that statement, hit him directly. "I... I know that. But I also know that i have never ever seen such lovely eyes. It's the best gift God could have given you".
That came as a shock to the young woman. She had grown up getting nothing but condolenses and sympathies thrown at her. She had strived to tell the world that she can live with this disability, just like anybody else. But the world had always tried to thwart her confidence by reminding her time and again that she can be at best, a lifeless imitation of life itself.
And here was a guy, a complete stranger, who has given her the best compliment of her life. She melted immediately.
"Nobody has ever said something like that to me. Thank You."
Chris was at cloud nine. Her voice had a husky quality to it that almost hytnotized him.

It occured to him - "Whats your name? What do you do?"
"Grace. I work as a fitness instructor."
"No wonder you yourself are so fit Grace!", Chris joked. A smile flashed on her face. And Chris's heart skipped a beat. It was the most genuine, most radiant and the most innocent smile he had ever seen. He thought he'd go mad like this.

"Grace... Would you mind if we have lunch together". Chris asked, hesitantly.
Grace knew this was coming. She wanted to say yes. She wanted to know this man. She had always wanted a man in her life, who would understand her, appreciate her and not take her as a liability. She wanted a man who could look beyond her disability. And he was right there, sitting to her left.
"But I don't even know you. How can i accompany you for lunch?". Grace did'nt want the excitement to show.
"Well what do you wanna know? I am a journalist- a freelancer. I earn a handsome amount. And i can afford lunch at any restaurant you like!"
"Any restaurant?", Grace continued with the good humour. She felt a strange comfort with Chris. She felt secure and complete.
Chris smiled, and nodded.
"So lets go to the Hilton. It's also close to my place! We'll get down at the last stop."

Chris was beaming, and he was all set to embrace the best evening of his life.
And he had obviously forgotten about his appointment with the dentist.



Thanx Sameera!
Here's a link to the other entries she recieved.
She gifted this to all the entrants :
I can proudly say that :






I'd like to know what did you guys think of my sequel... so now click on that Comments link... Fast!

31 comments:

Vinayak said...

It is a very big post and you know I am a small boy.I have read the starting lines.It was nice but not understood the full.

Pranay said...

wow!!! thnx vinayak...!!! i believe that when u can write, u shud also have the patience and intrinsic desire to read.

.a. said...

I have read this post at sameera's blog, i was almost commenting on it, somehow i forgot!

anyway, my creative juices are just out on strike hence i didnt jumped in the contest, but next time parany! (as if its a threat, i'll see you?, no please! its not)

we need to have more sequel thing goin on, i suggested this to criss as well, so next time i'll make sure i roll up my sleeves (of course for writing, no fighting)

comming to the story, i loved it better than chiss's duet! although i loved that end better!
and i instantly fell in love with the name you've given to her, grace! wow!

may be when you wrote "She was looking at him,", you mean she was *TRYING* to look at him, since she couldnt.

the rest is just fine, happy endings are fine afterall.

keep writing! and as for exams, i'll tell you that i produced my Best material while studying law and accounts. best of luck though :)

.a. said...

Didnt JUMP

and Chriss!

please overlook the typos !! *shudders*

Pranay said...

heyy 'a'..
thnx 4 d comment..
i guess i'll hv to pull up my socks and sleeves if u participate!!! ha!

and thnx a ton.. as far as that line.. "she was looking at him.." is concerned..
its correct.. that was deliberate.. u kno.. people hu cant see can still immediately identify where the voice is coming frm... they look at ur face and speak.. its just that she was trying to make eye contact, while luking sirectly at his face..
have u been watching too many hindi films like fanaa etc... where the blind can only look either up or down?

shekhar said...

Chris smiled, and nodded.

now explain this, you don't nod to a blind, you say yes or no.

hehe just trying to be mean, excellent story, wish i had participated too.

shekhar said...

btw have u checked my new blog : http://summer-diary.blogspot.com

Pranay said...

@shekhar

okay.. u got me!
ahh.. tab tak they had establishd a dil se dil ka connectn yaar!!! bhavnao ko samjho!

and when did u make this new blog? And do u post everyday there!!!!!??? :O :O :O :O

Cinderella. said...

Hey ! YOu already know how I felt right ?!

Ya fir I need to copy-paste my comment tere here again for you ?

You did a brilliant job. Mujhe seriously tumhara wala sabse jyada pasand aya.Really !

Kudos yaar !

Pranay said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Pranay said...

@cinderella
hehe.. no need for posting again.. thnx..
will read the neanderthals series n get back to u!

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

You did a good job!The teeny weeny flaws pointed out by others are ignorable.

Hope to see more of such great writing :)

Dan* said...

very long but nice story .....

Rashi V said...

Even I want something like this (I hope in the opposite gender, considering Im straight) to make me forget my dentist appointment tomorrow!!! * PRAYING*

Terminal Rant said...

Interesting. Its commendable, the ability and patience to write a sequel. You have done it and done it well.

Good stuff!!! And like Asby said, I love the name you gave her. Couldn't have gone more graceful. Goes perfectly with the character sketch!

- Nin (terminalrant.wordpress.com)

suchi said...

its an extremely beautiful story!

.a. said...

hehe no i havent been watching movies though, may be my observation about blind people are different, but anyway. that was a great read, i showed both of the stories to one ofmy friend and she loved the idea and all.

as i conclude, keep writing.

Pranay said...

@sameera...
hehe i kno.. maybe those can be pardoned! thnx a ton again!
@dan, suchi, nin..
thnx guys...

Pranay said...

@rashi..
dentist appointments sure turn out to be interesting!!! damn! my teeth are all alright!

@asbah..
hehe.. thnx girl.. keep rockin!

Sach said...

Nice words there..
N nice blog too...am blogrolling u!

aakaash.aki said...

Hey pranay, wat an amazing narration dude. kewl. Actually was goin thru sammera's blog, all the entries were awsum, esp the post wrtten in the poetic kindaa style.
anyways awesum work dude. keep it up. And as usual waitin for ur nxt blog :)

Pranay said...

hey thnx sachi and aakaash..
and aakaash.. i kno.. the entries were really good.. i must say sameera's comptt was quite a hit!

Charu said...

aha...its beautiful and touching...
Great job done... i am overwhelmed i read it...aNd its beauty lies in its simplicity...
keep it up dude..

Pranay said...

thnx charu...

rinzu said...

ur good at creating character sketches...

y not give a try at script writing???

Pranay said...

@rinzu
whoa!!!! thnx girl..
but scriptwriting!!! m no storyteller yaar... but i wil surely write sumtng on the blog... thnx a lot..

The Lover said...

this is really good!

The Lover

http://soulintoxicated.blogspot.com

Adisha said...

Sameera's posts are always outstanding but this one is just really equaled to her story :)

Well put !

Cheers,
adisha

Anonymous said...

Hi Iam Prabhu from chennai,joined today in this forum... :)

Pranay said...

Hi Prabhu..
Welcome! Enjoy urself.. there's much to read ;)

Anonymous said...

[url=http://gde-mozhno-skachat.citybrokergroup.ru/skachat-porno-bab.html] [img]http://s47.radikal.ru/i118/0903/3c/cd7f27f95f06.jpg[/img] [img]http://s52.radikal.ru/i135/0903/18/87bc9124f019.jpg[/img] [img]http://s43.radikal.ru/i099/0903/4a/e348c46be023.jpg[/img] [/url]
Подошел Влад, спросил чуть слышно: - Чего тогда у skachat porno bab вас.
Аля замерла, понимая: стоит повернуться, и власть исчезнет. Skachat porno bab
вдоль стен - длинные магазин полок, беспорядочно заставленных всевозможными skachat porno bab вещами, от чучела белки перед странной конструкции из костей skachat porno bab и перьев.
Так соседний, сколько каждую ресничку различить дозволительно. Skachat porno bab
аля подумала, который к тихий можно было желание приходить поплакаться в жилетку.

[url=http://gde-mozhno-skachat.citybrokergroup.ru/skachat-porno-bab.html] Skachat porno bab. [/url]